Maine.

"May we be diligent and true,

dedicated to the right

and like the stalwart lighthouse stand

a beacon in the darkest night."

-Becky Jennings, The Lighthouse

Refreshing the artistic eye...

My love for Death Cab For Cutie just grew because of this video...

I love it because I do this everyday.

Everyday I have a goal to find something.  Beautiful.

Occasionally it's the socially acceptable form of beauty.  

But usually it's something odd, 

like a flower growing out of cracking foundation

or a streetlamp at night

or wind picking up a bit of trash and swirling it weightlessly through the breeze.

You can read more about the concept here.

[29] & [30] wrapping it up...

Day 29:  Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Hmm, I can't think of one particular item at the moment.  Body, mind, spirit. I hope to experience a change in each of those areas. Continually. Because being stagnant in life is boring. And dangerous.

~~~

Day 30:  A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Yuck!

Dear Self,
You are awesome.
And not as...
fatskinnybeautifuluglyhairyfreckledzitfacedwrinkledoldyoung
as you think.
And I love you.
Just as you are.
The End.

[28] knocked up...

Day 28:  What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Welp, say it was me that ended up preggo. I'm pretty sure I would be ecstatic. I would probably eventually have a little mourning session over the loss of our life as a couple, but it wouldn't last.

For us, it was important to establish a life before kids. You would think after 14-years we would have had enough of each other, but I'm just now getting really comfortable with the thought of starting a family. I've enjoyed life before kids, I will enjoy life with kids, and I will enjoy life after the kids move away. The point is that no matter what life sends my way...I'll be joyful.

[27] the best things scare us...

Day 27:  What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Well, my husband's company filed for bankruptcy a several weeks ago. The first question was what chapter was filed. And the next thought was okay he's still working until he's not...and we'll deal with it. And it's looking more and more like soon enough he will not be working.

But rather than letting fear take hold we are trusting our faith. Worst case. Best case. Whatever happens there is a purpose and we'll learn something powerful. 

I'll be honest there was a week spent in worry and fear and doubt. And then one day I felt completely at peace. Because of all the Goliaths I've faced, he's sort of not all that scary anymore. I may doubt myself for a bit, but then it's all...bring it dude with the pituitary problem!

Call me crazy. But this unknown. The excitement. The IBS. I just know in my heart something wonderful is awaiting us on the other side. 

[26] to give up (but not really)...

Day 26:  Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Life all together, no. Never. The closest I ever came was craving escape. Just leaving everything and everyone behind. I had gone through an incredibly tough time - sorting through my past and realizing what made me and shaped me was not necessarily a good thing, but I was strong enough to take the bad and make it good.  

Unfortunately in order to turn it around, I had to leave some relationships behind. But it was the ones that were pulling me down, and I was not strong enough to pull myself up while attached to those relationships. And unless you have experienced it yourself, I think it's impossible to understand.

And it was that very lack of understanding that made me want to flee. Because I didn't know how to put into words what I was feeling. Because for someone that has never experienced that level of pain and hurt and collapse there are. No words.

But once I worked through my own grief and mourning, I found my words again. Too often fingers were pointed my way. I got the whole "I'm praying for her" routine. Because obviously working through my past and cutting unhealthy relationships means I'm Hell bound. 

But how many people can one person finger before realizing that finger is pointing in the opposite direction? I don't know. I do know, slowly but surly, the cracks are being revealed. Eventually there will be no choice, but I wonder at what cost. And that is the exact reason I took the steps I have. The pain, though great, is far less than what it would have been had it been allowed to fester. Mmm, that's a tasty description...but not really. 

Where in I adore Home Goods...

It all started out innocently enough.

The hubby bought me flowers for Valentines Day.

Then...he bought himself a new television.

(dude! we feel so modern now)

 

And new furniture just gets me in the mood to rearrange and buy new stuff.

Lucky for me a Home Goods is not far away.

There is one within a 5-mile radius of my office and house...

at least when it finally opens.

(pulling out the angry eyes)

Dear Retail Leasing Agent,

The notice is appreciated,

BUT 6-months and still not open...

your "coming soon" sign is kah-illing me!

Little funky storage box.  Check!

 

Swanky new pillow. (that doesn't photograph well) Check!

 Crazy-rad textured vase. Check!

Now the only thing left...

• a new area rug (how bad-to-the-bone is this one)
•  new curtains - because the skank ones have got to go
• and finally purchasing some frames to hang our travel photos
• oh, and finding a space saving solution for our DVD collection!

[25] 30-years, smite-free...

Day 25:  The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Because I'm not dead. I've never had a near-death experience. Except that one time in California, I peered over a 150-foot...no, 500-foot...no, more like a 5-mile drop-off into the Pacific Ocean and my life flashed before my eyes. Yes, my life flashed and all I could think was toss the camera to Fred because god-forbid the camera goes with me!  So maybe I was 4 ft from the edge, but in my eyes that was a mere millimeter. 

I'm here because God wants me here.  I'll let you know when he smites me, but so far I've been smite-free.  Thanks man, appreciated that.  Really.

[24] ode to the mix tape...

Day 24:  Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

This seems a little silly.  How about a list of songs that will make a Ke$ha fan's head spin when they realize what actual music sounds like: 

In no particular order...

The Beatles "Let It Be"

Queen "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Radiohead "Fake Plastic Trees"

The Verve "Bittersweet Symphony"

The Black Keys "The Go Getter "  
...actually just do yourself a favor and get the {Brothers} album.  This thing is my work soundtrack.  People come into my office, hear it, and just start grooving - it's that kind of album.

Company of Thieves "Oscar Wilde"

John Lennon "Imagine"

Joshua Radin "These Photographs"

[23] the American flunky...

Day 23:  Something you wish you had done in your life.

Okay, so I have some real regrets. I wish I could always remember to show my love for...humanity. 

Like when we met a sweet German couple at the Grand Canyon that offered to take our picture. The man told us his camera battery died. It didn't even occur to me to take their picture and e-mail the photo...until were a mile down the road. 

Ugh, I will forever hate that. I was so distracted by the wet rocks and fear of heights and the rainbow, yeah - see it gets worse. When two Germans fly all the way to the states -and- on their last day see a {rainbow} at the Grand Canyon -and- their camera battery dies -and- I totally, utterly, completely failed as an American. 

I wish I had taken their picture.  I wish I could go back and redo that 10-minutes of my life all over again!