In case you ever wonder how the latch breaks...

I believe that it is globally know that red = stop/green = go. But apparently I missed the memo as that was not the case yesterday.

I tried to avoid the dreaded journey, but after two cups of coffee and a tall glass of orange juice…there was no way I could hold off visiting the port-a-potty in 20 degree weather. Now everyone knows not to sit on the seat, but this never stops me from layering the seat with toilet paper just in case I lose my balance or a big wind comes or whatever…anything to avoid touching the craptastic seat.  Oh, and by layering I mean six 1-ply sheets thick all the way around the seat. Needless to say, when I use one of those nasty things I do not wait for the inevitable – I go prepared to go through the 10 minute ritual.

Anyway, being that it was so cold…I was well layered so it took even longer than usual. Well just as I finished adjusting my coat and while I was putting my gloves back on after a squirt of ice cold hand sanitizer, before I could even get the words out, some moron…be nice – intellectually challenged person – breaks open the door.  I mean Bah-Roke the door.  The guy pulled so hard the latch literally went flying across the grass!

Now, I suppose I could understand…maybe…not getting the red/green rule...or maybe he just happened to be colorblind AND illiterate…maybe. But one would think, perhaps, when you have to pull that hard on a door, perhaps, that particular port-a-potty just may possibly be occupied…perhaps! Thankfully I was fully clothed and about 30 seconds from opening the door myself so no harm – no foul, but I know whoever the colorblind-illiterate-intellectually challenged person was...er, would have been blushing with embarrassment had it not been so cold. And he probably learned a valuable lesson; always knock first before bah-reaking a port-a-potty door!


My wonderful-handsome-amazing husband...

I am one of those people.  The kind of person that reads classic novels and gets embarrassed when I read something like…Twilight.  And enjoy it.  Yes, I went through the entire series in two weeks.  And yes, that includes shipping time from Amazon.  I admit it was a wonderful two weeks that completely took me outside of my over-thinking everything world. I allowed myself to be enthralled with a book about vampires…and werewolves. I mean there was not a single word – zero, zilch, zippo – that I wanted or needed to look up in a dictionary and try to use in daily conversation.

So last weekend I went to see the movie...with my wonderful-handsome-amazing husband (can you say brownie points).  This required some strategic planning on my part.  The goal was to avoid at all costs the teenage – screaming – squealing – can’t differentiate the actor from the character crowd.  And we did...somewhat.

Now at this point the movie has been out for nearly two months.  School is in session along with stricter bedtimes and curfews.  So we walk into a theater of about 12 people…other wives with their self-medicated husbands.  Five minutes before the movie starts and we are in the clear…right – nope wrong…oh, so WRONG!

I heard them before I saw them.  The snickering and giggling.  After all my scheming and planning…and only 12 people in the theater.  Twelve.  1-2.  T-w-e-l-e-v-e. That leaves what…like 75 available seats to choose from, and they end up sitting behind me and my wonderful-handsome-amazing husband...go figure!

The second Robert Pattenson appeared they let out a gasp.  Okay, I admit I have done this once myself.  Brad Pitt.  No shirt.  Seven Years in Tibet.  One time.  They did this every time Robert Pattenson appeared.  Every. Time.  I really don’t understand the obsession with that kid…the one that plays the wolf is so much better looking.

And every time.  Every-Single-Time there was a scene between Edward and Bella the two girls would snicker and giggle. And as the level of their obnoxiousness increased so did the force in which my wonderful-handsome-amazing husband would squeeze my hand.  We just looked at each other and laughed…what else could we do.  Move I guess, but by that point we were enjoying the humor of it all so much more than the actual movie!