This past weekend I attended a work-related networking event for meeting planners.
Lots of talking.
Lots of eating.
And drinking.
And talking.
And eating.

This was the amenity that awaited when I returned to my hotel room the final night.
Did I happen to mention eating?
I was so full of food and drinks that I didn't even manage a bite.
Not even a sip of the Disoronno or Bailey's...
it sure looked good though!


Finding reasons to laugh...

I need to write something happy.  Silly.  Something to get over the hump of sadness I have been feeling this last month.  A couple snippets from today…

I dropped off my car for repairs this morning and was given a rental car.  Went to work and my brain turned into mush.  Left work…er, tried to leave work.  I could not remember what kind of car they gave me.  And worse…no clue where I parked.  Finally, I realized I had kept the paperwork in my bag and learned it was a Silver-Honda- Accord.  Do you know how many silver cars there are!?  Do you know how many Silver-Accords there are!?  Not fun.
On the way home, I came across a wreck.  Actually it was just a broken down car, one nice dude helping broken-down dude push his car to the side of the road.  But nice dude forgot a belt.  As he was pushing, imagine it, pants meet knees.  {hello whitey-tighties}  I swear I have never laughed so hard while stopped at an intersection!

But the thing is, the tighties were not very whitey.  So I get home and ask Fred, do whitey-tighties come in nude…he doesn’t wear them – but being male I assume he knows these things.  I learn they come in black, white and colors like the Michael Jordan commercials.  And well, I have concluded that nice dude’s undies were well worn in…especially given I could see butt crack through the near mesh fabric.  Hey, maybe nice dude is just taking going green to the extreme.  But I can pretty much guarantee two things: 1. he’s not gay, and 2. he’s not married!


When hope belittles intuition...

we were fully prepared
to let go
then the vet gave us
it’s just a badly infected tooth
remove it and she’ll be back to normal
my intuition told me it was time
to let go
but I held on to
hours later the vet called back
the news was
not good
nothing could prepare me
for the way she 
the vet had never seen an animal
react to anesthesia that way
but once again the vet gave us
maybe once we got her home
she would fully wake
but as she was placed in the pet carrier
her heart
and her color
and I stopped ignoring my intuition
I told the vet it that she had been through enough
it was time
to let Snuggles go

it was not suppose to happen
that way
I wanted her passing to be
I had it planned
I was prepared
but I forgot about the way
can sometimes create
so much

every day
I cry
bed time is the worst
my arms have never
so empty
then I awake
to my daily routine
and listen as Seven
goes around the house
howling and searching for her
Mama Snugs

and in spite of having
a house full
of beings
we all are feeling
a little

and I know
it's just a cat
but to me
she was 
a part of
my heart.


Slowly letting go...

At times like these, when babies like Layla Grace are dying. It’s hard to think that in the scheme of all things this is significant, but tomorrow Fred and I will be taking my sweet little Snuggles to the vet.  To be put down.  To sleep.  To euthanize.  There is not a phrase that exists to make it better.

Late last year she lost her sight and the vet discovered a significant heart murmur.  Mr. Vet said they could do a bunch of tests and we could pay them $1,000.  I said no.  I love that cat with all my heart.  But at the time she was fifteen, and I didn’t want to put her through the stress and rather painful tests just to maybe…but probably not, extend her life by a year or two.  

I have had this cat since I was thirteen.  Thirteen now going on thirty.  And when I consider that span of time.  Where I was.  Who I was.  This cat was truly there during the more significant years that molded me into the person I am today.  She was my Mama Snugs.  She gave me her love and her heart.  And I want nothing more for her to find peace and know she did her job well.

Since that vet visit she has never acted as though she was in pain.  That was all that mattered.  She has been happy, purry and pain-free.  Right now she is very weak.  Not eating or drinking.  Her breathing is faint and her heart is giving out.  I would much rather her passing come in the night.  At home and peaceful.  That is all I have ever wanted since we found out her health was failing.  She gave me so much.  She deserves to pass in comfort.  And I pray that she finds that peace tonight.