[5] life hopes...

Day 5:  Something you hope to do in your life.   

I don't really have an exact answer.  I honestly just hope to live life to its fullest.  Every thing.  Every experience.  Being present in every moment.  Including the not-so-pleasant stuff.  So I guess that is my life hope, to just be present.  To let things sink in, to give myself the freedom to feel and process situations before reacting.


[4] forgiving the man...

Day 4:  Something you have to forgive someone for.

Interesting.  I guess ten years ago this would turn into one of those he/she [insert terrible thing] to me, but now I see those “terrible things” as opportunities.  Instead of pointing fingers I start by asking myself why I feel so passionately about the “terrible thing”.  And always…no really – Every. Single. Time.  My passion has nothing to do with the person or the thing, but everything to do with something inside of my own self.

So the real questions is, how can you not forgive someone for giving you the opportunity to grow…

That’s not to say that I don’t have those moments that I’m filled with so much anger and frustration I could easily breathe fire.   It’s those moments that it’s especially hard to get to that place where you can be objective.  And sometimes it’s best to remove yourself from the situation as far as possible in order to reach that place.  And yes, some relationships have fallen apart because of that self exile.  But I know in my heart if that relationship is meant to exist, it will.  And if not, it won’t. 

Some soul mates lift us up.  Others push us into the fire.  It's in the balance of the two that we find grace. 


[3] self forgiven...

Day 3:  Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Interesting.  I got nothing.  Things happen that lead you places and without them I wouldn’t be where I am today.  I mean I can look back and say I wish I had done some things differently.  Trust me I had my angry years in high school. I handled what was going on at home by taking it out on the world.  Sorry world.  But it was a necessary evil.


[2] self loving...

Day 2:  Something you love about yourself.  

Well, first off I’ll say it’s much easier to hate on yourself.  I can think of about 20-self hates off the top of my head, but something I love…

I guess I love my ability to be creative, but I’m always doubting my own creativity.  It’s a very rare occasion that I can look at something and think it’s awesome just as it is.  I feel like in everything and every way possible I’m constantly challenging myself to change and grow and improve.  That isn’t to say that I don’t live in the moment and appreciate what I have…I just know there is, and always will be room for improvement until the day I die.

Superficially, I like my skin tone.  Okay, I love it.  I said it.  I’m pale milky white and I love it that way.  Which for a white chick…in the age of spray tans, fake-n-bakes and self-tanning products that span the globe, seems to be pretty rare.  Of course, twice a year I equally hate it when I forget sunscreen and turn into a tomato and get left with a nasty farmer’s tan.  My last burn I was wearing a scoop neck with a sort of keyhole cutout…I’m still trying to exfoliate the resulting sudo-tan before holiday party season!


[1] refreshing beginning...

I’ve been in hiding lately and I’m not sure why.  For a while I felt overexposed.  Which seems ridiculous for someone that does this sort of thing, but something that brings me joy started creating fear. What if someone found me, and what if someone took the things I wrote the wrong way, and what if they spread that around, and what if others took that someone’s opinion as fact.  Irrational? Yes, absolutely.  In truth, that has already happened and happens every day and it’s silly to think writing or not writing would hinder the fire.  So I say, flame freaking on dude!

The fact is I turned thirty this month.  And I guess some people have a difficult time.  I can’t say I am one, but I have had odd thoughts whisk in and out of my head. So while I go through this 30 mini-funk, I thought it would be a good time to start the “30 Days of Truth” prompts I’ve been seeing around.  I’ll be honest some of the prompts are pretty stupid, but it will be an interesting way to force me out of hiding.  And then in 2-3 years I can look back and think who was that person.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

The superficial answer would be my feet.  I grew up with my mother telling me I had my dad’s feet.  And that translated into a girl having boy feet.  And boy feet are yucky.  So I wear open-toed nothing.  I am probably the only chick in the state that doesn’t own a pair of flip-flops.  And no matter how many times my girlfriends tell me I don’t have man-feet I’ll never believe them.

But my true answer would be I hate that I’m not very complimentary.  I get complemented on my looks, my eyes, my outfits, my shoes…but I just don’t think to compliment others.  The only reasoning that I can come up with is that I don’t value superficial things.  I mean it’s nice to be told you are beautiful, but that’s just make-up and hair dye.  My eyes are genetics.  My outfit is money.  My shoes are to hide my vertical deficiency.

I guess one could argue that your exterior is simply a reflection of the internal, but I much prefer someone to compliment my heart or depth or creativity.  And those are things you cannot gain from a quick glance.  I mean really who walks by someone and says “my, what a big heart you have”.  My first thought would be that person is looking for a transplant donor.

That being said I have made it a point to be more complimentary.  When I see someone wearing a cute pair of shoes, instead of just thinking it I try to vocalize…when appropriate.  I’m not going to knock on the bathroom stall mid-flush just to tell the lady next to me I like her shoes.