[1] refreshing beginning...

I’ve been in hiding lately and I’m not sure why.  For a while I felt overexposed.  Which seems ridiculous for someone that does this sort of thing, but something that brings me joy started creating fear. What if someone found me, and what if someone took the things I wrote the wrong way, and what if they spread that around, and what if others took that someone’s opinion as fact.  Irrational? Yes, absolutely.  In truth, that has already happened and happens every day and it’s silly to think writing or not writing would hinder the fire.  So I say, flame freaking on dude!

The fact is I turned thirty this month.  And I guess some people have a difficult time.  I can’t say I am one, but I have had odd thoughts whisk in and out of my head. So while I go through this 30 mini-funk, I thought it would be a good time to start the “30 Days of Truth” prompts I’ve been seeing around.  I’ll be honest some of the prompts are pretty stupid, but it will be an interesting way to force me out of hiding.  And then in 2-3 years I can look back and think who was that person.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

The superficial answer would be my feet.  I grew up with my mother telling me I had my dad’s feet.  And that translated into a girl having boy feet.  And boy feet are yucky.  So I wear open-toed nothing.  I am probably the only chick in the state that doesn’t own a pair of flip-flops.  And no matter how many times my girlfriends tell me I don’t have man-feet I’ll never believe them.

But my true answer would be I hate that I’m not very complimentary.  I get complemented on my looks, my eyes, my outfits, my shoes…but I just don’t think to compliment others.  The only reasoning that I can come up with is that I don’t value superficial things.  I mean it’s nice to be told you are beautiful, but that’s just make-up and hair dye.  My eyes are genetics.  My outfit is money.  My shoes are to hide my vertical deficiency.

I guess one could argue that your exterior is simply a reflection of the internal, but I much prefer someone to compliment my heart or depth or creativity.  And those are things you cannot gain from a quick glance.  I mean really who walks by someone and says “my, what a big heart you have”.  My first thought would be that person is looking for a transplant donor.

That being said I have made it a point to be more complimentary.  When I see someone wearing a cute pair of shoes, instead of just thinking it I try to vocalize…when appropriate.  I’m not going to knock on the bathroom stall mid-flush just to tell the lady next to me I like her shoes.

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